Wednesday, January 15, 2014


It has been three months. 

Three months. 

I'm still sad.  I'm still tired.  I still don't understand. 

I have learned the split-mindedness of grief. Here but always aware of the other who is gone. I have
learned how to focus on my children and let the house just be. I have learned to be aware of my needs. 

While I can't hold Gwyneth, I know that I am her mother and I am still fiercely proud of that.  Even when I am choking on grief, I still do not regret carrying her for her short life.  I just wish she was learning to roll over right now instead of helping her mother ponder eternity.  

I have grown up during these three months.  I wish I hadn't. 

Forgive my melancholy. It's only been three months. 

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