“One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14.
I totally forgot the no fussing part today. I have learned two things from today. I let myself get tired and cranky for the sake of being able to do everything. And, my former level of daily occupation had covered up some fundamental questions I need to answer.
Lessons number one. I put Laine in his crib during Annabel's morning nap because I was getting fractious. Sometimes Mommy needs a nap too!
Lesson number two. Much harder to tackle. Two questions revolved in my head today.
First, how do I want to engage in ministry? So far, I have been able to accompany Luke to his place of ministry and make it mine taking on projects of my own. Now, I have two fantastic little full-time jobs that need almost 24-hour attention. I also can choose to facilitate Luke's vocation. I ruminated over this today. I have no problem saying that my kids and husband are a great ministry, but I want to make sure that my heart is open and soft to the fullness of God's calling. I have made the mistake of dwelling too long in a season to which God originally called me and then urged me to leave. Also, I have utterly failed to wait for God's permission before opening my mouth and deciding to start some project (talking ministry not knitting or sewing--pretty sure Luke and God are resigned to crafting). So, I am waiting this time. Really. I am. I have stopped just short of volunteering to do about fifty different things, but I am waiting. Really. I am.
Canidates: Children's Choir, Adult Choir, afternoon tea, covered-dish Sunday School, women's Bible study, Meal-on-wheels
But I am waiting...Really...I am.
I have not forgotten how unpleasant it feels to get out in front of God. Even to do "good works." I am waiting. I am waiting for my soul to catch up with my body. Maybe when I am able to keep my disciplines in the hereness of now, I can go on to my list.
I am waiting.
Second thought. Why do I so desperately want to have a milking goat? Or a sheep or cow or whatever. Why shouldn't I go ahead and try it out. If you are reading this AND have room on your property for a goat AND live pretty close to me AND can help me learn the basics, can I have a goat?
I had a pretty tearful day today. It is going to happen. I am starting to love where I am. I even love the quiet little neighborhood where I live (it is sweet). But, I loved where I was and I miss it. It is always better to miss where you have been than to be glad when you leave. I think Philippians 3:13-14 was written for such as me. I can't say that I am going to forget what is behind me...that would be disregarding the lessons and love of the past, but I must allow it to enrich me without overwhelming me. I must remember that "no one who puts their hand to the plow and looks back is worthy!" I must remember that I am straining forward toward the same goal in Etowah as I was in Hillsborough. Christ Jesus is my goal. Praise God he is here too!