February 18

Got up before Laine this morning and was able to read my Bible before starting the day. I think that pregnancy brain is hard on meditation, because I am so darn tired all of the time. I wonder how much of my exhaustion is mental fatigue and how much is body fatigue. Today I am noticing that I carry fatigue around in my heart. I think that I will clean that one out. If I am tired, I should rest, and I need to continue searching for what is causing me to be fussy about my daily tasks. Once I figured out that planning for Sunday mornings and giving up trying to make choir practice could change my inner dialogue about my husband at least once a week, I have learned to dig deeper when I start to be grouchy.

Upon reflection, I have decided that my family eats well and plenteously, so if I spend a few more cents on bananas to make sure that they are fair trade, God can be honored in that decision. I think that is how I am going to tackle this idea of stewardship from now on. Does it honor God or make me feel "conscious?"

Ash Wednesday

Although we are not supposed to pray to be seen, I am going to keep my Lenten journal on this blog. Mostly because I am sure no one is reading it!

My thought for Ash Wednesday is this: I always get excited at the beginning of a new church season. I really think the first Sunday in Advent is more enjoyable than Christmas for me. To me, Ash Wednesday represents the beginning of the most honest time of the year. A time for me to clean out my spiritual closets.

I love the scripture from Joel for today (Joel 2:1-2, 12-17). This year for Lent, I want to reflect on my heart instead of my offering. Instead of giving up chocolate, I am going to evaluate each little thing I am keeping in my heart and decide if I should hang onto it.

Today I went grocery shopping and realized that I have trouble staying on my budget because I am a food snob. I want my family and myself to eat healthfully and responsibly, and this can be a huge burden. What aspects of this mission is God calling me to, and what parts am I making into an idol?